Peter, Andrew, James, and John made a living catching fish. I imagine that they had planned to fish for the rest of their lives. John and James probably had dreams to start their own fishing business with their dad called "Zebedee & Sons". I can't imagine all the work that they poured into their careers, trying hard to reach their goals.
But then Jesus comes along and tells Peter, Andrew, James, and John to 'Follow Me'. All four had dropped and abandon their nets, their dreams, their goals, and for James and John leaving behind their heartbroken father; risking the ocean to follow Jesus instead.
On many occasions I believe that Peter, Andrew, James, and John had their doubts about whether or not Jesus was truly who He said He was. Jesus had sent out His disciples to cast out demons in His name, yet they were not able to because Jesus stated they did not have 'enough faith.' They were on a rollercoaster of faith, up and down on belief and disbelief, wondering if they had made a mistake on leaving their dreams behind to follow Jesus.
2 years pass, the disciples are comfortable and finally see that just maybe Jesus is God. They start to believe that all the goals and dreams they left behind were worth it to follow Jesus and travel with Him, assisting Him with His work. In their minds, God had blessed them with the life they had at that moment and were thankful. But then, Jesus rocks their world.
During dinner, Jesus shares with the disciples that He will no longer be with them; implying that He will be put to death soon, leaving them behind alone. I can picture Peter, Andrew, James, John, and the other disciplines thinking, "What?.. I left behind my goals, my dreams, and my family to follow you and now you're leaving me?" It had to have been a painful low blow for the disciples, a huge disappointment.
Like the fishermen poured their heart in their fishing life, they poured their heart into Jesus, and now He was walking away. They were full of grief.
The truth is though, they did not see the big picture. They did not know it at the time, but Jesus had a better plan for their lives. Jesus had even told the disciples that it is for their benefit that He would go away, otherwise the Helper (the Holy Spirit) will not come to them. As hard and as painful as it was for the disciples, we see that this was true, because the disciples and the rest of the church were not as strong and as impactful prior to the coming of the Holy Spirit, as they were after the Holy Spirit came. Jesus had to go, He had to die in order for Him to make a greater impact in the world and in their lives.
The hardest part about being a Christian, is that it takes death to bring life. It takes the death of a dream, the death of a goal, the death of something you love in order for it to resurrect into something better, like a glorified Jesus 3 days after His death.
Although we know that something better is coming, death still hurts, very much. And when you sense God calling you to put to death something you love, it hurts, especially when you gave up your dreams to have it.
It takes faith, it takes bravery in order to be willing to experience the hurt that comes from death; faith, bravery, and willingness that we could only get with help from the Holy Spirit.
The point of this blog? Is to let you know, and remind myself that it is ok to hurt when you have to give up your dreams, it is ok to be scared when you have to lay your Isaac down, but trust throughout the entire hurt, that God knows what He is doing and has a plan. He will comfort you through the pain and the fear, He will be there to hold your hand. Be sure to hold on tight to His, He'll lead you to step over your dead dream as you mourn into new life.
With your weak heart and weak voice, worship Him through the hurt. He knows what He is doing.
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